Nate & Brit Porter

The Porters go Camping!

2009-07-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

Brit and I went on a camping trip to Camino Island State Park. We went with a group of around 15 people comprised mostly from friends we knew from our old church community group. But rest assured, not one teetotaller in the bunch. Even though Brit was 8 months pregnant, she was a trooper, and we had what might have been our best camping trip ever. Check out below for the photographic evidence.

We only had two camp sites for the 15 of us. Needless to say, a "tent city" of sorts was quickly errected. It went up with such speed and precision, King County officials quickly contacted us and asked for some tips on how to replicate this model. The secret ingredient? Love.

It goes with out saying, but I think the picture says it all. We're pregnant. Which one of us is pregnant? Only time will tell -- but we've got Oprah on speed dial, just in case.

It took about two seconds to get Brit into her Snuggie. Just one question... "Isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?"

[PS] If you got that joke, give yourself two bonus Porter-Points. We will talley your scores at the end of the round.

This is Brit with her friend Emily K. They really should've called each other before they wore the same outfit to the 2009 S'Mores Cook-off Challenge. How embarssing!

Brit made a rude comment about how Margeret dices tomoatoes. Little did Brit know, but Margeret is an expert in the anciet Chinese art of massage-fu. Take that! And that! Out, damn knot!

"Yep, it's water. Now, back to sitting."

Blane fell off his kayak far from shore. His trusty, yet single-minded Yellow Lab Sadie came to investigatge. Learning that he was not going to throw a stick for her to fetch, she pushed him back under the water. The memorial service is next Wesnesday. Sadie will not be attending.

This Bald Eagle was a magestic creature. It carried itself with dignity and honor. It was a week early for the local Fourth of July celebration, but we made do the best we could. It was delicious, even if a tad "gamey'.

Brit holds an empty bottle of white wine. 1,000 words, Brit... 1,000 words.

The women of the trip. In this picture, they are fruiously attemping to synch up their cycles.

[PS] If you thought that joke was in poor taste, or simply took a good premise "too far", subtract one Porter-Point.

When Melissa put the Snuggie on, she was magically transported to a world of fantastical wonderment. He of whom we do not speak tried to poor water on our muggle-fire, but McG quickly Quiddiched him into the Prisoner of Azkaban's half-blood deathly hollow. Problem solved!

Blaine and Nate won the annual Corn-Hole tournament. We'll let that speak for itself.

[PS] I made up Porter-Points. Please throw your scorecards in the trash.

We're Back...

2009-07-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

Friends, Family, Former Cell-mates:

After a year of no updates, we thought it was about time to catch everyone up on the non-eventful lives of our favorite plucky, young twenty-somethings: Nate and Brit Porter! Look for your latest post about our camping trip to be up here soon.

Until then, good night, sweet prince.

- NP

[PS] Or sweet princess, whichever gender may be the most applicable.

Sumer Rewind - Part Two

2008-09-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

HAZEL HAS HER FIRST BIRTHDAY!

Hazel, in her normal manipulative way, stole my hat, and ate my cupcake.

Exhibit A. Look at those eyes. She knows what she's doing.

Hazel learns an early life lesson from daddy... alcohol makes everything better. That's what I call a "head-start" program.

"No pictures please!" We had better back off or Hazel will do her scary face again.

Brit's mom Peggy came into town and spent some quality time with little Hazel Radford. Hazel tells Peggy what Brit says about her when she's not in the room. Peggy confronts Brit. Brit denies the allogations. A fist-fight ensues. They have not spoken since. Thanks alot, Hazel.

Rainier came to the party with hopes of a football themed event. He was wrong. He proceeded to BURN THE PLACE DOWN. Wow, Rainy... a little overboard, don't you think?

GARAGE CLEANING MADNESS

Our garage was awful. We moved everything out to the back yard.

Seizing their opportunity, the Corgis looked to get some good bargains at what they assumed was a yard sale. We told them otherwise. Nevertheless, Lola bought that Prestone Antifreeze off us for a quarter. She later reported that it was delicious. Side note.. her pee glowed in the dark for the next 3 weeks.

Looks a lot better.

I can see what the neighborhood rats see in this place... it cleans up pretty nice.

CORGI MADNESS

Jonathan comes over for a visit. We're still not sure which one he is. I'll tell you one thing though, whatever they're looking at must've been awesome.

Lola discovers that eating off the floor increases her fiber intake ten-fold.

Who said that modesty is dead?

Summer Rewind - Part One

2008-09-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

We obviously did not spend our summer updating our blog, so here's a recap of what we've been spending our time doing.

CUTTING DOWN TREES

Leave it to the professionals on a bad boy like this horse-chestnut tree. His name was Greg, and he was hell-bent on destroying our lives. He covered our yard with leaves every fall and droped chestnut-shaped bombs of hate on our house every winter. Needless to say, Greg had to go!

The Corgis ensured that the good people from the "Art of Trees" follow all mandated safety guidelines. You can never be too careful around the killer squirells that Stubbs and Lola INSIST live in that tree.

Thank you "Art of Trees!".

The score is now: The Porters - One... Mother Nature - ZERO!!!!!

RAINIER MANSELL IS BORN

After the months of anticipation Rainier Mansell was finally popped out into this world! Lacey commented frequently after (and even during) the delivery how easy the entire process is, and how women that complain about the pain are "big whiners". At least, I THINK that's what she said, I was busy eating sandwiches and leisurely napping.

Now Brian can finally have that much needed fifth player to complete his world famous "Guitar Hero" traveling squad. Was Rainier born to shred? Only time will tell. Brain will certainly do his best -- his plan is to withhold love and attention when Rainier scores under 1000 points. He'll learn his place.

Brit is in awe of the miracle of life.

Nate happy to have another sweet and innocent life to slowly manipulate. Guitar Hero god? Ha! Rainier has "Ninja" written all over him!

Join the baby Revolution! In a mere 47 years, all of today's babies will RULE THE WORLD!

WE'RE DONE!

2008-07-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

Remember: If you want to get a better view of any of the pictures, just click on them to expand the photo. I'm going to lay off the paragraph-long snarky captions this time... so that you can bask in the glory that is our new bathroom in an un-distracted manner... only SENTENCE long snarky comments this time.

This is Joe Schafer of the Schafer Company, voted Seattle's best plumbing service (by Nate and Brit). Let us know if you want/need his contact info.

This is the new access panel I had to create. Joe had to cut out the majority of the wall behind the show in order to plumb us up for our new fixtures.

Our new toilet and shelves. It's like pooping in paradise.

Please donate your favorite perscription drugs to our vast collection.

"Classy sink, Nate". "Thanks, you're right," Nate knowingly replied.

Now that she has sufficient overhead lighting, Brit can finally stop being mocked for having pretentiously crooked mascara.

A composite of the finished project. It was a lot of work.

THE WORK CONTINUES

2008-07-11T00:26:00.000-07:00

Thursday brought another intense day of work for the Porters. Enjoy!

After weeks of looking, magic finally happened... I guess it's true what they say: "You wont find the perfect toilet flange until you stop looking... once you stop looking then the perfect toilet flange will find you."

I'm so excited in this picture. It's only been 5 days since I've used one of these in my own home. On a related note, Brit and I would like to thank the good people at the MLK Jr. Way McDonald's.

Brit tests the new crapper for both strength and durability. Don't push too hard, Brit, that flange is not made of steel... (just high composite plastic).

I snapped this tape measure using only the power of my mind. You can tell it's true because of the intense look in my eyes. Just look how intense they are. They are very intense.

Brit caulks it up. (The new door jamb to the closet).

As Brit paints the trim surrounding the shower insert, with tears in her eyes and love in her heart, she dreams of lavender scented bath salts, and bubble-gum skies.

Brit sees your problem... you've got your Hot Water Intake Manifold crossed with your J-Box Joint Connection Unit Flange Bracket Gasket Coupler. That will be $435 dollars.

If the mirror's not straight... you won't look as great. Um... we'd better use a level.

Ancient peoples rubbed sticks together, or sparked flint stones to create fire. Fire provided warmth, cooked food, and made a non-nomadic life possible in the cradle of human civilization. For the Porters, it took $30 bucks and trip to Home Depot to achieve the same result. Makes you wonder.

Our new closet system. It's hip. It's now. It's white. Just like the Porters.

WE'VE BEEN TILED

2008-07-09T00:09:00.000-07:00

Brit is an expert tile-setter. She learned this valuable skill as part of her parole agreement after serving only 13 of 37 months on her recent wire fraud conviction.

Here's to your new lease on life, Brit. We're all proud of you. Now, let's cut out all of the insider trading scams.

Thanks for the spacers, Will. We will return the extras.

Just finished tonight. love it.

Everything looks better from on your knees.

I got so excited after seeing the tile... well, you can see. Adult diapers are quickly becoming a viable option for the Porters.

WORK BEGINS - SUNDAY AND MONDAY'S PROGRESS

2008-07-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

"The Floor Before." Ugly. Also the title of an unsucessful 90's buddy film.

This closet door has got to go. Brit and I sent it back to the year 1978 where it came from.

Good news! We found where the previous owners kept their pipes and garbage! Also, Brit and I have a couple free, used, unsightly stains that we're looking to unload. If no one wants them, they're going up on Crasigslist.

Brit is happy staying in the closet. Right after this picture was taken she did a modern dance routine.

Behind the mirror above the sink, we discovered where the previous owner's kept their hole in the wall.

We can play basketball again, now that we've found a make-shift hoop!

Under the linoleum there was plywood... which sat on top of more linoleum... which sat on top of more linoleum... which sat on top of tongue and groove hardwood flooring... which sat on top of the sub-flooring.

Brit caught a big one... we grilled it up with some rosemary and tarragon.

Stubbs is not sure about what he thinks about the sub-flooring. Where now is he to pee?

This is where we keep the bodies. I've said too much.

Wires have been capped. Hardy-Backer has been laid on the floor. We are preparing ourselves for Tile-Ageddon 2: "The End of Linoleum."

She also goes by "Roller Girl."

The key, gentlemen, is to look this good while your woman gets stuff done. That in itself is very hard work.

Welcome to Porter Memorial Hospital.

BATHROOM MADNESS

2008-07-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, family and fanatical fans of the Porters. We started our week-long bathroom remodel on the 4th of July. The only fireworks we saw that night were in the toilet! Kidding. Anyway, here are some before pics, I will try to get the progress pics up by the end of the day.

Thanks for looking!

What an incredibly cute couple. They need an equally cute bathroom to "do their business in".

A composite "Before" picture. If you remember, the tub has already been resurfaced.

Our old ugly mirror and old ugly sink + cabinet.

Our ugly ceiling light + fan + vent, and our current ugly light fixture.

A composite picture of our crazy and weird closet.

We will be re-trimming this out soon.

Ugly cabinet over toilet.

Cabintet + Toilet = Ugliness.

We might be keeping the hooks.

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN SEATTLE

2008-06-29T20:53:00.001-07:00

It's like this every day, I swear.

Click on the pic to see Mt. Rainier: "Rising like an empress above the M.. LK!" (sing this last sentence to the tune of Toto's Africa).

"Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you!"

THE PORTERS COME ACROSS LIKE CRAZY DOG PEOPLE... AGAIN...

2008-06-29T20:46:00.001-07:00

We bought the dogs a cheapy kiddie pool to keep them cool. We don't have kids. We have dogs. We're those people. It's completely awful. Enjoy.

LOLA GOES TOPLESS IN THE POOL.

STUBBS IS CONFUSED BY THE FEELING OF THE COOL WATER ON HIS DOG PARTS.

STUBBS ROLLS HIS EYES, AS LOLA STUPIDLY LOOKS ON.

AFTER A LONG DAY OF DOING NOTHING, STUBBS IS WIPED OUT.

DIGNAN COMES OVER TO VISIT, AND PROMPTLY COLLAPSES NEXT TO STUBBS.

YARDWORK MADNESS

2008-06-29T20:09:00.001-07:00

You: "Nate what did you and Brit do this weekend?"

Nate: "Well, um, actually we had a pretty nice little Saturday, we went to Home Depot. Yeah, bought some wallpaper, got some flooring, stuff like that. Today we'll maybe go to Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time."

But seriously, we added new planters in front. New Barkdust, etc. Domestic bliss I tell you, BLISS!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

WE MOWED THE WILD JUNGLE ALSO KNOWN AS OUR BACKYARD

STUBBS LIKES TO SUPERVISE:

LOLA LIKE TO STUPIVISE:

AND IF YOU NEEDED PROOF THAT WE WORKED HARD:

BRIT & NATE [BEFORE]

BRIT & NATE [AFTER]

CLEANING THE ROOF

2008-06-21T22:57:00.001-07:00

Brit made a great trek on Saturday afternoon. She scaled the treacherous Mt. Roof of Beacon Hill. Armed only with a pressure washer and her dreams, she retuned back to base camp with soggy jeans, sore calves, and nothing to show for her efforts but working gutters and a debris-less roof.

Well done, Brit.

BOSCO PAYS A VISIT

2008-06-21T22:44:00.001-07:00

We're watching our new neighbors' dog, Bosco this weekend. He's huge.

Lola is on patrol. Where ever you go, she'll find you.

Stubbs is worn out from a long day of playing with dogs that are bigger than him.

BATHTUB MADNESS

2008-06-21T22:19:00.001-07:00

The good people at American Bathtub Refinishers are making our old, ugly tub new again, today. Here are some before pictures:

Kevin and Darrel were here for about 3 hours, and when they left, they left up with a tub looking brand new. It was our first experience with the refinishing process, and we couldn't be any happier. Brit and I have their number if you need to call.

NO EMOTIONAL REVELATIONS ALLOWED

2008-06-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry, adoring Porter-public! This will not be a place for Brit and I to post our deepest fears, insecurities, or heartfelt emotions. We will simply be posting some pictures of our house and all associated projects, our insane dogs, and any else worthy of online-immortalization.

NP